"You belong with me!"

So just for the record my titles to my posts don't necessarily have anything to do with what I am going to write about. Like this post isn't really about someone belonging with me... the song was just in my head, and I love it. Ha Sooooooooo.... lately I have been really down in the dumps. And more recently I have been talking about how we are able to control what kind of mood we are in. LIke if I am happy it is because I am choosing to be happy. Or if I am sad it is because I am choosing to be sad, etc. But at this moment i wish I didn't have that knowledge. I just want to be sad without having to choose to be sad. Or have some sort of emotion without having to make it be that way. Like just amazingly happy without even thinking about it. Even sad without even thinking about it. But as it is, I have to think about the things in my life that aren't going right. I have to make myself appear happy. It is tiring. So as of right now I guess I am choosing to be angry at little things that happen to me; people that don't care to have me around; friends who "pretend" to be friends. I don't really care that I am angry... it feels better than pretending to be happy. I don't want to seem happy when I am just not. And right now, heck no I am not happy.

But, I just needed to get that out. Sometimes saying things without the surety that someone is listening is a lot better than saying it to their face thinking they care enough to comfort you or be there for you. I feel like it is passing on a risk that could potentially hurt you. And I am all about avoiding situations where I am going to be hurt. I am not really into that whole putting myself through pain. I am tired of being the chaser in any situation. With friends, family, relationships. So I guess I am just going to take a chill pill and sit back. I have been alone lately and I am kind of getting used to it. I want to be able to fend for myself, and I am slowly but surely learning how to do that. So if sitting back means I will be alone, then I am fine with it. Just means there are no disappointments. Which is fine by me.

Anywho... Haha I just had, and have a vision of what I want my life to be. Lets hope I can in someway control it. And if not, who knows where life will take me. I guess I am along for the ride.